The Quiet Distance Between Then and Now

On recognition, reinvention, and the quiet strength of moving forward anyway

There’s something uniquely disorienting about returning to the place where you “began” — especially after years of artistic and personal evolution. The hallways feel familiar, but the perception of who you are often hasn’t caught up.

In my case, coming back to a space where I first learned to become more of an artist — after completing a rigorous master’s degree, preparing for doctoral-level oral exams, and earning admission to top conservatories with artistic scholarships — is a reminder that growth doesn’t always guarantee recognition in the places that shaped you.

I’ve spent the last few years reworking my entire artistic voice. The audition circuit didn’t just test my playing; it asked who I was, why I create, and what kind of community I want to help build. In the rooms where I was taken seriously — where my artistry wasn’t just heard, but welcomed. I began to understand the deep impact that belief and mutual respect can have on a musician’s health and trajectory.

So coming back to older environments and feeling subtly minimized — whether through being treated like a student again, having energy go unmatched, or hearing passive pushback to my pursuits — highlights something more than personal discomfort. It reveals a culture that struggles to evolve with its people.

These moments aren’t just frustrating. They’re instructive. They show what happens when environments fail to meet artists where they are and they clarify the kind of artistic culture I now feel responsible for helping to shape.

In the end, this isn’t about seeking validation from the past. It’s about learning to carry your growth forward, even when it goes unseen — and using that growth to build spaces where others don’t have to fight to be seen in the first place.

I don’t have a neat conclusion for this just a growing awareness of how much context shapes identity. If nothing else, this reflection is a marker in time. Maybe you’ve felt something similar. Maybe you’re still figuring it out, too.

Thanks for reading.